ShockingChildrenToys

Most Shocking Children's Toys Ever produced

Toys

Toys are carefully planned investments that companies spend never ending hours developing in the hopes that kids will use them to foster memories that they can cherish for a lifetime. But not, they just end up giving the impression of dongs. Here’s the list of toys that are on the other side of good sense, good taste and mental health.

Naughty Tarzan
There's absolutely nothing wrong with this doll, providing it's not in motion. Sure, what about a crude teenage boy could claim that his right hand is positioned like it's holding an invisible boner. But when you activate the small lever on Tarzan's back, then the magic happens. There isn't any mistaking what he's doing. Mattel changed the doll after approximately 100 % of the boys who acquired the toy started making Tarzan jerk off within about 10-seconds.Why, what noise are you guilty of when you masturbate?

Skipper Grew Up
Skipper was meant to be Barbie's little sister, but in 1975, Mattel decided it was time for Skipper to hit puberty. After countless minutes of research, Mattel chose the most factually accurate portrayal of puberty possible. That, obviously, means when you rotated Skipper's left arm, she'd grow one inch taller and spurt out some tits. As being a real girl! Obviously, the doll sparked a ton of controversy, so much so that Mattel never tried something so stupid anymore. Ha! Just kidding! They've recently started producing a similar doll, except now, she's a skank! That ought to help.

Shocking

Cock Slide
This giant inflatable "clearly a dong" slide occurs all over the Internet, but nobody seems to know where it's from ("Europe" is as close as anyone comes to nailing it down). As we discussed, it's supposed to be part of a big, fun, inflatable train kids can crawl through. So why does the train lead to a giant cock? Seriously, nothing over a train resembles that.

Face Bank
Presumably the face area Bank exists for parents who would like to terrorize their children out of ever seeking an allowance. Seriously, kids would prefer to swallow handfuls of change themselves than come anywhere near this damn thing. It appears as if Leatherface's mailbox.

Erwin The Little Patient
Erwin may seem like the type of gift you'd package as well as a Cannibal Corpse record and a poster of Lana turner with the eyes reduce. We know you're supposed to encourage your child's talents, but provide them with this doll to cut open and pretty soon they're moving up to frogs, cats, dogs, hookers and federal prison. Although we must admit, Erwin would make probably the most entertaining Show and Tell day ever. Maybe it's even call educational, considering that the organs are color-coded to place them all in a right place. We find it much more disturbing than educational, in fact.

Pee&Poo Plushies
Making toilet training fun and approachable can be an admirable goal, however this seems like a good way to your child to develop an unnatural affection toward their unique waste products. At a bare minimum, the sympathetic "Why me?" faces on the waste products will make flushing the toilet a psychologically jarring event. Well, a minimum of it goes even after dark original…

Here You Go, Dora!
No person saw the design of this and thought a dildo shaped Dora the Explorer toy may not be the best idea? It took me approximately one second to see the inappropriate shape. How did a complete company not see this? Honestly? Could it be us? Maybe there's another angle where it doesn't look 100 percent being a sex toy, but if so, why didn't they photograph it from that angle?